My husband and I will never make as much money as we have these past few years. Even still, we made the decision for me to leave my well-paying job to stay at home. Does that baffle you? Because in a world that is driven by money, our decision didn’t make financial sense.

Never in a million years did I envision me as a stay at home wife or stay at home mom. As a young girl, I thought I would be a doctor or a psychiatrist. I even considered being the first female president, but a SAHM wasn’t even an option on my dream sheet.

So what changed?

From “Me” to “We”

As a young girl, my dreams were all about myself; I didn’t even think about what would happen if I got married. I didn’t think about what family life would look like, nor did I consider what I wanted life to look like for any future kids. However, as I went through college, I realized there was more to life than a big successful job. I knew I wanted a big family. I knew I wanted kids. And I knew I didn’t want to work my life away.

Surprisingly, I ended up commissioning into the Air Force, and then 12 days later, I found myself in a serious relationship with another ROTC cadet. From the beginning, we had to have the hard conversations due to the nature of our jobs (dual-military). We hadn’t even been together six months before we started discussing marriage.

Around this same time is when I also started developing my faith. Coming to faith changed my perspective and rocked my world. My life became less about me and what I wanted or believed to more about laying down my life for others.

It was less about my dream job and more about where God was calling me. As I navigated my relationship with God, I also learned how to navigate my relationship with my first real/longest boyfriend.

Funny enough, God used that relationship to refine and grow my faith.

The day we got married was the day I said goodbye to making decisions all by myself. And let me be honest and say this is still a hard path to navigate.

It was no longer about what I wanted to do, but what we would do as a family. We entered into our marriage, recognizing that we were one team, and we would work together and make decisions together.

Practically, this meant we talked about future plans and made decisions together. When my husband was up for a new job, we talked about our options and ranked them together. When he wanted to start his master’s degree, he made sure I was fully on board. When I had an opportunity to deploy, we talked about my options.

Related: Deployment Take 1

I think what most people don’t realize is that when you enter into marriage, you lose parts of yourself in a good and God-glorifying way. It isn’t natural or easy to give up your autonomy, but it is essential to be respectful and on the same page as a family. When you start dreaming about specific careers, you should talk about it and weighed the pros and cons. When you start feeling like God is asking you to do something, again, you talk about it.

What’s best for your family?

What would the transition look like?

What sacrifices are you willing to take?

By answering those three questions, we figured out that no amount of money would be worth the sacrifices we were currently making. We wanted our children to have stability, and I felt God was calling me to focus on my writing. So, in 2019, we decided that I would separate from the military and stay at home (for a least a bit).

From Working Mom to Stay At Home Mom

Most people probably think I decided to stay home to raise my kids. That seems pretty typical for a Christian woman… But let me be very clear - I did not stay home for my kids, nor did I stay home for my husband.

I chose to stay home for my God. When I say I felt God calling me, I felt Him loud and clear. I felt Him showing me that He needed me elsewhere. He affirmed that I could have very easily had a successful career in the military, but He had something else in store.

Related: Fear Of Separation

God calls each of us to different mission fields, and for me, I felt Him calling me away from the Air Force.

For 11 years of my life, my mission field was in ROTC or on Active Duty. I served because I felt like I needed to give something greater than myself. But the very same reason that called me to serve my country was the very same reason that drove me to leave.

Related: Why I Serve

I didn’t leave the military to follow a dream. I didn’t leave because I wanted to spend every moment with my kiddos. I left because I felt God was calling me to something greater than myself, and truthfully, we still don’t know what that will exactly look like, but that is what it means to take a faithful step (get it?).

“Our greatest contribution to the kingdom might not be something you do, but someone you raise” - Andy Stanley.

What’s Faith Got to do With It?

I left my well-paying job because I felt God calling me to focus on my family and my writing. My service to this country has not ended but has shifted to focus on a different group of people (my family, and the ladies I write for).

Despite being confident in God's direction, the decision to be obedient and leave was a difficult one to make. I shared all about my Fear of Separation from the Military on a friend’s website. I was filled with shame and guilt and fear of disappointment. Yet, regardless of those feelings, I knew I needed to move forward.

So let me ask you, are you where God has called you? Do you have peace in the position you are in (whether it is inside or outside of the home?). Listen, there is freedom in your work choice, and there is even freedom in whether you chose to follow God or not, but please don’t stay in a job you aren't meant to because you feel like you have to. Along the same lines, don’t feel like you have to stay home because that’s what all the ladies at church are doing.

Success isn’t measured by the job title you hold or the size of your retirement account. Success is measured by your obedience to God and how well you follow Him.

Our faith is revealed in how we live our lives, and by the fruits we produce. If you have found yourself in a crossroads between working or staying at home or deciding between jobs, take your time to work through the following questions… The goal should always be to be obedient to what God is calling you to do, not what the world expects of you.

Questions to consider:

Do you dread what you are currently doing (whether working outside the home, as a SAHM, etc.)? If so, why have you stayed? What would it take for you to leave?
Does your current situation serve your current needs? Some people don't have the luxury of staying at home. If that’s the case, keep on sister. But, if you’re working and you dread it…. Well, you may need to change.
Has God placed something on your heart you can’t shake? For me, I felt like God had been calling me to write and share my faith. Although I managed to write a little while on AD, my time was limited. But sharing my faith was very difficult in a military setting. I truly believe that God gives us certain desires for a reason.
Have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked to friends/family about it?