This is a story of one couples journey through miscarriage and pregnancy. If you are easily triggered, I recommend you invite a friend to read this post first before you go any further.
Many might say the day my husband became a father was the day our daughter was born. Some might even say it was the day he found out we were pregnant with her.
What do I say?
I saw my husband become a father the day he grieved for our unborn baby.
David and I moved overseas in early 2016. This was our first assignment together, and we were so excited to finally be living together as a married couple. At the time, we were still in a hotel, waiting for our house to pass inspection when I found out we were pregnant.
I remember the day pretty vividly. I had just finished using the bathroom and decided to test for the heck of it. I was surprised when two faint pink lines appeared on the test.
David was in the kitchen, cleaning up from breakfast or lunch, so I decided to go and show him.
With my hands shaking, I held the test up to his face... and after a few moments of silence I told him “It’s positive."
I wasn’t sure if he could tell it was positive since the lines were really faint.
His response: “Already?”
In his defense, we literally had just started living together less than a month prior. The next few days after that was a blur. We had initially been searching for a house for only the two of us, now there was a little babe to think about.
Excitedly, we told our family and friends pretty early. The first grandbaby on both sides would be something to celebrate.
About a week or two after we told our friends and family, we found out we were miscarrying.
The day our baby passed from my body, I watched my husband become a father.
When I realized my body had passed most of the tissue, I went downstairs and told David what happened. I had clung to my faith that God would protect this baby, but unfortunately, it was not in His plans. As much as it pained me to accept the loss, I knew we would be okay.
We stood in our living room, and I explained to David what I experienced. I knew our baby was officially gone.
He held me close as I teared up and comforted me as best he could. We stood there embracing for a while, and I noticed he was fighting back emotions.
At that moment, I knew he was hurting, but it was different for him. He didn’t get to experience anything with the baby. He didn’t have symptoms, and it was way too early for him to feel the baby move.
For whatever reason, he felt like he wasn’t allowed to grieve because this miscarriage happened to my body and not his. In his embrace, I saw the love he had for this child. I saw his heart break just as much as mine. At that moment I saw him as a father who didn’t get to meet his child. I comforted him as he comforted me, giving him the okay to grieve.
Rainbow After The Storm
10.5 months later, David got to help me welcome our rainbow baby into this world. That day, I saw the same love in his eyes as he held our baby girl for the first time.
In honor of Father’s Day, to all the parents who have suffered a miscarriage and now suffer in silence---you are not alone.
Every person grieves differently. Some outwardly show their emotions, while others bottle them up inside. If you or a loved one have suffered a miscarriage, please do not assume your partner was not affected. Remind them that it's okay to mourn the loss as well.