Have you ever been afraid of success? Afraid of trying to accomplish something, giving it 100%, and finding out that your efforts weren’t enough? So, instead of shutting down that fear and proceeding, you become your own roadblock sabotaging your happiness.

I know I can’t be the only one in a self-sabotaging cycle because I’m afraid that if I actually try and give it my all, I might come to the realization that my all wasn’t good enough. And not being good enough is a harder pill to swallow than blaming my circumstances for my failures.

So, what is self-sabotage and how do we stop it?

What is Self-Sabotaging Behavior?

According to Psychology Today, self-sabotage is any behavior that creates problems in your daily life and interferes with your goals. It is things you do that hinder your success, hinder your ability to succeed and/or be happy. If you struggle with sabotaging yourself, then it comes as no surprise that these behaviors can happen subconsciously (you don’t realize you’re doing it).

Does anyone intentionally procrastinate so they bust important work deadlines and lose out on amazing opportunities? I think not.

Signs of Self-sabotaging Behavior

It’s often difficult to know whether we are committing self-sabotaging behavior when the consequences aren’t significant. But if we spend some time to reflect on our behaviors, we might start seeing signs of self-sabotaging behavior.

The biggest test is to ask yourself - Do these behaviors help me achieve my goal? If they don’t help us towards your goal or if they hinder our goals then we’ve found our issue!

4 Self-Sabotaging Examples:

We binge eat late at night to “decompress” when we’re trying to lose weight
We don’t make time to work out when we’re training for a race
We procrastinating on a work project that can aid in a promotion or bonus
We waste time on social media because “we don’t have enough time” to do what we need to do (write, read, etc…)

Why do we Self-Sabotage?

Oftentimes, in order to find a solution, we need to understand WHY. Why do we sabotage ourselves? Have you ever wondered:

Why do I self-sabotage my weight loss?

Why do I sabotage my relationships?

Why do I procrastinate on finishing my homework or work project?

Why can’t I accept anything less than perfect?

Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me and the desire to be the best and the fear to fail…. but I have asked each of those questions above.

For example, weight loss... Why do I self sabotage my weight loss? It’s no secret that America struggles with obesity. According to the CDC, Hispanics have the highest frequency of obesity at 47%. That’s me, folks. Right smack dab in the middle of that 47%.

I have the education and resources to change this about myself. I’ve done it (lost the weight) multiple times in ROTC, college, and even most recently during my deployment. I lose a significant amount of weight, but it never fails that something stops me from reaching the finish line I set before me.

I’ve blamed it on genetics, pregnancy, stress at work, or even on my husband’s diet preferences (darn those donuts and toaster strudels), but the truth of the matter is--- it’s none of those things. Simply put, I sabotage myself before I can ever reach that goal.

3 Reasons we Self-Sabotage

Although there are many reasons we self-sabotage, the most important ones are faulty thinking, fear, and avoidance.

Faulty Thinking - The way our brains are wired makes us cling to familiar things and undervaluing everything else. Stress or exhaustion causes us to resort to faulty thinking, relying on the familiar rather than what provides the most advantage or makes the most sense.
Fear - Perhaps the one I resonate with most, fear can cause us to behave in all sorts of ways. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, it all impacts our behavior. We get so close to success that fear and doubt sets in. We fear we might not ever be able to achieve this goal so rather than trying and failing, we give up and find something else to blame. Fear becomes our defense mechanism from the truth that we might never reach that level of success.
Procrastination & Avoidance - both of these allow us to blame outside factors (like not having enough time) rather than accepting responsibility for the outcome. These self-sabotaging behaviors look like not getting started or binging Netflix rather than working. Perfectionist tendencies such as focusing on getting everything perfect, etc...

Is this you? Can you relate to any of these reasons?

For me, It’s not just in the weight department that I self-sabotage. I do the same thing in other areas of my life. For example, when it comes to writing for the blog, or a future book, I hesitate to write my actual passions and/or opinions for fear of being criticized or wrong.

In college, I would wait until the very last minute to study for an important exam that way if I failed, I could blame it on my procrastination rather than not being smart enough. I even allow myself to sabotage my wardrobe. Instead of trying on the clothes I secretly desired, I let the fear of not being able to pull it off limit my clothing options. Total roadblock to fashionista... ugh...

It’s like the enemy wants you to fail (shocker), so he uses your most intimate insecurities to get you to sabotage yourself.

How can I Stop Sabotaging Myself?

The first step in recovery is always admitting you have a problem.

Say it with me - I sabotage myself.

The second step in this self-sabotaging cycle is renewing our minds. We need to understand why we behave the way we do and what the truth actually looks like.

When we recognize our self-sabotaging behaviors, we can counteract them.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

4 Steps on How to Stop Being Your Own Roadblock

Identify the Problem - How are you getting in the way? What is holding you back? Are you holding yourself to impossible standards? Are you chasing perfection or are you chasing obedience? Identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and which ones you’d like to improve. The goal is improvement, not total elimination.
Renew Your Mind - Speak truth to yourself. Call out the lies. As you renew your mind with truth, you will start to accept it over the lies that society has imposed on us. Allow yourself to be imperfect and accept that growth will happen over time.
Be Realistic - If we try to live this life measuring it by earthly standards, we will always fall short. Accept that you will never be perfect. You will never be the best at everything. Instead, accept the gifts that you have been given. Utilize them to serve others and soon you will stop fearing success, and instead start living in obedience to hopefully glorify God.
Make a Plan - Every day is a new day. You don’t need to wait until the beginning of the week, or month, or year, to start over. If you fall or fail, get right back up and make that very next step a faithful step. Make a plan on what you will do instead of the self-sabotaging behaviors. You can even make it a goal. Just remember progress, not perfection.

Is now the time we stop sabotaging ourselves? I say yes!

Let’s start making progress by changing and/or eliminating behaviors that don’t serve us. We must acknowledge what our habits look like when we are heading on a self-destructive path, and then create and implement realistic solutions. It’s possible friend, will you join me?