Encouragement to the Mother filled with Guilt

Mother of all Guilt

One thing no one ever told me was that there might be a season in which your mommy guilt is on overdrive with your child. A season where you love your child, but liking them is a whole different story.

Every morning is a struggle to get out the door on time. It is as though your child purposefully decides they want to wear the opposite of what you’ve pulled out.

You pull out shorts, they want to wear pants. You pull out the Elmo undies, they want to wear the mickey undies. You pull out a dress, and they refuse to take off their jammies.

When it’s time to brush their teeth, it becomes a full-on wrestling match where no one wins. You pin down your child, and they scream and fight you every step of the way.

When it’s time for breakfast, you pour them some of their favorite Cheerios and are greeted with “I don’t like it” as they toss the bowl aside.

Your child has barely been up an hour, and you are already questioning motherhood. How will you survive the “terrible two’s”?

The screaming fits, the mood swings, the disobedience... It all becomes too much.

And you think, “what kind of mother am I?

What kind of mother dislikes their child?

What kind of mother looks forward to dropping them off at daycare every single day?

What kind of mother stays at work a little bit later so they can have a break before it’s time to pick up their child?”

The guilt.

The shame.

You just weren’t meant to be a good mother.

But here is the truth:

Momma, you are not the only one. I know motherhood looks fabulous on some momma’s, but the truth is, there are tough seasons for everyone. It may look different, but no mother, no parent is perfect. There will be a day in which your child puts on what you pulled out. They will let you brush their teeth, and they will even eat what you serve them. This day may be few and far between, but it will be glorious.

Those days will remind you that your child doesn’t act like a turd on purpose. They are still trying to figure out the world around them. The few moments of obedience will give you a little boost of confidence you need to make it another day.

Hang in there, momma. You aren’t a lousy momma for wishing you could take a breather. For hoping they would just listen and let you get them dressed.

We Are All Weak

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” - Romans 3:23

I can’t help but think that God uses motherhood to refine us. Motherhood requires sacrifice, and no one enjoys sacrifice. It highlights our pride, our control issues, our selfishness. We mourn the freedom we once had. But wishing we had a moment to ourselves doesn’t mean we wish our child never existed; it just means we are weak. We’re fallen. We were never meant to navigate this fallen world. Our own strength will always be inadequate.

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God”- 2 Corinthians 3:5

So, momma, the next time the guilt and shame overwhelms you, cast out the lies with truth.

What kind of mother am I? A mother who is NOT God. One who is trying her best, who will mess up, who will get things wrong, but will always strive to be the best she can.

What kind of mother dislikes their child? Momma, you don’t dislike your child. You dislike their attitude, their disobedience, their tantrums. Love is what truly matters. The enemy is feeding you lies. I know this because the feeling of dislike doesn’t exist every moment of the day, only in the darkest parts of your day when all strength has left your body. Your love is what makes you feel the guilt and shame of temporarily disliking their disobedience and fits.

What kind of mother looks forward to dropping them off at daycare every single day? A mother who remembers what it was like before kids. A time when you could drink your coffee while it was still hot and only had to think about her own needs when planning for the day. Recognize your limitations and schedule in time for you to refuel and take care of yourself. You are no good to your family if you consistently pour out and take care of everyone but yourself. I know there will be seasons when scheduling in self-care will be impossible. If and when that is the case, cling to Jesus. When we are weary, no amount of alone time or bath bombs and wine will give us rest. But Jesus will. Pray to Him. Read the Word. Run, do not walk to Him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30

What kind of mother stays at work a little bit later so they can have a break before it’s time to pick up their child? A mother who is tired and wants a break. Not a bad mother, but a human mother. The issue is not needing a break or needing alone time, but what you fill that time with. Even Jesus went off to be alone. But he would seek after God, not mindlessly scroll through social media.

I am preaching to myself here - Stop trying to be God. Stop trying to be perfect and instead work on being the mother God has called you to be. Accept your imperfections and God’s willingness to help you every step of the way. Be in the Word. Remind yourself of the truth of the Gospel. Place obedience to God above all else and repent when you have fallen short. Live this out daily as He walks beside you.

Hold tight, dear momma, for He is with you.