16 Self-care Tips for the Burned out Mom
/Have you ever yelled at your kids so loudly you lost your voice? Or at least strained it? I never imagined I would be that kind of mother, but reality taught me differently.
I’m sure we have all been there, one way or another. Mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted from mommy-ing without a break that we lose all control. I would say parenting, but you know what, mommy-ing and daddy-ing are not equal, but I digress.
Motherhood can feel so defeating at times, but it doesn’t have to be. When we have the right mentality, serving God vs serving ourselves, self-care can aid us on our journey through motherhood.
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Importance of self-care for Moms
From the very beginning of motherhood, we are required to give so much of ourselves. In pregnancy, we are stripped of energy to function normally. We give up drinking adult beverages, caffeine, eating cold lunch meat, riding roller coaster rides, etc… We even give up pockets in our clothes 🙄.
Joking aside, we give and give and give, and then our babies are born, and we give some more. We feed from our breasts, giving a bit of our youth to nourish our baby. We give up our sleep to feed, comfort, and care for our kiddos, with no end in sight. And the only advice we usually get is “enjoy this season because babies don’t keep.”
Soon, for many women, we’ve given so much of ourselves we’ve lost who God created us to be. By refusing self-care, we’ve accepted self-loss.
Friend, there is no honor in losing yourself to this point. So, why do we do it?
Probably because we are terrified of anyone thinking any less of us as mothers. We live in an era that expects women to do it all and be it all. Anything less is seen as a failure. So, instead of admitting we need help, or need a break, or can’t do it, we try to hustle through at our own detriment.
This is why self-care is so important for mothers. Self-care ensures we can still be who God called us to be, while still serving our families in the best way possible.
Mom Burnout
When we give more and more of ourselves without nurturing our health, we end up with mommy burnout. Author Sheryl Ziegler states mommy burnout is “the emotional and physical exhaustion that you feel from the chronic stress of parenting.”
Y’all, mommy burnout is the cause behind the mental breakdowns we have when we’ve had enough.
It’s the cause of our midnight food binges because the kids were “rough” to parent.
It’s the reason we feel the need to down a bottle of wine or spend way too much money on amazon.
Mommy burnout is real and chances are you’ve experienced it or are at risk. But you don’t have to let it overwhelm you anymore. Momma, the best way to take care of your kids is to make sure you’re okay as well.
16 Self-care ideas for moms
There are 4 main types of self-care - Physical, Emotional, Psychological, and Spiritual. Each domain plays an essential role in our overall health. In order for us to be the best mother, wife, daughter, friends, or Christian, we need to make sure we are taking all 4 factors into consideration.
We should have zero guilt when we understand that we need to take care of ourselves in order to serve God the best way possible. As mothers, we are charged with a unique opportunity to raise up the next generation, but in order to do so, we need to have the capacity to do so.
Be encouraged momma - keep the right perspective that only God can truly sustain us and remember the end goal. Utilize these 16 self-care ideas to ensure you can keep fulfilling God’s call on your life.
Physical Self-care
Physical care involves taking care of the one body we’ve been given. We can do this in a variety of ways from fueling our bodies with enough fruits, veggies, and water, to pursuing rest. These 5 self-care ideas are a perfect place to start.
1. Find a hobby.
Rest doesn’t always involve sleeping. Sometimes, we can feel rested by finding an activity we enjoy doing and pursuing it. Find a hobby and schedule it in for at least 1-2x a month.
Volunteer with an organization, join or lead a book club or bible study, participate in a small group at church, start writing or painting, join a sports club, etc... The goal is to find a hobby that fills you up and refreshes your mind, body, and/or soul.
It may seem like having little kids makes it impossible for mommas to participate in hobbies, but it’s possible. This is where self-care tip #2 comes into play - utilize a caregiver.
2. Utilize a caregiver.
Using childcare or a caregiver does not make you a bad mom. Nor does it mean you are incapable of taking care of your kids. If you know of a mom who seems like she has it all together and is doing it all, chances are you don’t know the whole truth.
Don’t feel ashamed of using a babysitter, mother’s aid, kid swap, or daycare. Look into signing up for a family membership at the YMCA which often comes with a few hours of childcare.
Another idea is to look for “mom’s morning out” or “mom’s day out” at local churches. Kids are resilient and being in the presence of someone trustworthy for a few moments of time is a great experience for all.
If you are struggling with trusting others, I recommend you spend time analyzing why. Are you living in fear? Are you trusting God to protect you all? Spend some time in prayer and follow your own convictions. What helped me was understanding that our children are on loan from God.
3. Comfortable & Pretty Clothes
Okay, my mood can very well depend on if my pants are digging into my belly button, or my bra feels way too tight. I have always believed that if you look good, you’ll feel good, and if you feel good, you’ll do good.
Wear clothes that are both comfortable and make you feel pretty!
It’s not an exact science, but finding clothes that fit you well and make you feel beautiful is refreshing. It doesn’t matter if you are wearing sweats and a hoodie. The goal is how you feel not how anyone else may see you.
4. Prioritize daily showers
Hours after I gave birth, I hopped into the shower and felt exponentially better. Showers have a healing power to wash off all literal and theoretical dirt. Showers are also the perfect place to release all the pent-up frustration and tears you’ve been hiding.
Sometimes taking a shower may mean not getting a nap or losing out on sleep, but you will sleep better feeling refreshed. And if your kids don’t let you shower, strap them into a high chair with a snack and go rinse off.
5. Save naptimes
The best decision I made when I transitioned to being a stay-at-home mom was reserving nap-times for activities that fill my hypothetical cup. Naptime and the hours after bed are saved for activities I can’t do or enjoy when the kids are awake.
Cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc… are completed when the kids are awake 90% of the time. And if you have a nursing baby who only sleeps in your arms, then don’t pressure yourself to be super productive. Instead, use nursing sessions to read or listen to a book you enjoy.
A key to avoiding burnout is prioritizing ways to energize me before I expend all of my energy.
Emotional & Psychological Self-care
Emotional self-care involves caring for your emotional needs by understanding your emotions and managing them in an appropriate manner. While emotional self-care focuses on having an awareness of your emotions, psychological self-care influences your thoughts and actions beyond just your emotions.
Psychological self-care is all about the mind. While they are two distinct domains, some of these self-care activities can simultaneously impact both domains.
6. Implement quiet time
I completely understand if your child doesn’t nap, or doesn’t nap for very long. My children were the same way, and it wasn’t until closer to 2 that sleep became more consistent in our household.
I have made it a point to ensure the kids either have nap time or “quiet time” daily. Instead of fighting a child who refuses to sleep, I told her she could read a few books or play quietly in her room.
Having “quiet time” requires discipline, but it will pay off in the long run.
7. See a counselor
Things don’t have to be bad for you to see a counselor. In 2020, I began seeing a counselor to help me process my thoughts and emotions without putting my husband in that uncomfortable spot. Counselors are the perfect people to help you identify your true emotions and how to honor them.
If you aren’t sold on this idea, listen to the book “Maybe you should talk to someone.” This fiction book intrigued me enough to want to talk to a professional and I’m so glad I did!
8. Communicate your needs
A critical element for emotional self-care is having an awareness of your emotions. Understanding what you are feeling and why you are feeling it can help you communicate with people in your life.
No one can read minds. Be direct, but loving, and communicate what you need and how you need it.
These posts have practical tips for communicating if you feel unsupported by your spouse or need ways to encourage your husband.
9. Practice Affirmations
I like to call this preaching to yourself. Affirmations are positive truth statements that you recite to focus your mind on the truth rather than whatever lies are currently bombarding you.
Download this list of 20 powerful affirmations for moms for a great place to start.
10. Practice Mindfulness
According to mindful.org, “mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.”
Mindfulness has various benefits to include reducing stress, enhancing performance, and helping us to respond better to ourselves and others. When we are on the verge of losing our minds, taking a breath to recenter ourselves and practice mindfulness can help deescalate a situation.
11. Digital Detox
Less than 30 years ago, a Digital Detox wouldn’t have been a thing. But now? Social media consumes so much of our lives it may be a leading factor to mommy burnout. How many times do we come across someone who makes us feel worse about ourselves?
Either influencers give off this “perfect mommy” image, or friends have bounced back way quicker than we have… Social Media has it’s benefits, but when we are on the brink of burnout, it should be the first thing to go.
12. Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness may not seem like your typical self-care method, but forgiveness truly is more for you than the person being forgiven. Forgiveness breaks us free from our self made prisons.
Whether you need to forgive a parent, your spouse or a sibling, forgiveness is attainable and worth it. Focus on the Family has a great article on finding freedom through forgiveness in a 5-step process.
13. Read
Maybe i’m just a book nerd, but reading can solve so many problems. Bored? Pick up a book. Tired? Pick up a boring book. Grumpy? Try out Grumpy Mom takes a Holiday. Burned out? Try a personal development or inspiring book.
Reading can erase all of your problems and give you a break you so desperately need.
Spiritual Self-care
The most important domain for self-care, Spiritual self-care involves nurturing a sense of connection to a Higher Power. For Christians, that Higher Power is God. We were all created in his image, in body, mind, and soul, so we should be nurturing each component. These 3 self-care ideas can be seamlessly incorporated into your daily routine.
14. Incorporate daily prayer
Prayer is the way we can communicate with our Father in heaven. Prayer doesn’t have to be complicated or drawn out. It can be a simple prayer every morning, or something elaborate before bed.
Thank God we have the freedom to talk with Him freely and in a way that works best for us. Val Marie Paper is a GREAT resource for anything and everything prayer related. From prayer journals to books on prayer, and even a course, Val Marie Paper can help you strengthen your prayer life.
15. Read and listen to the Bible Daily
How can you believe in a God you do not know? I have said this over and over again. The best way to know who God is, is to read His word. To study it.
If you are truly feeling burnt out, where have you placed God on your priority list? Are you p[raying regularly? Have you spent time in His word? If not, I urge you to focus on your Spiritual Self-care before anything else. The rest will fall into place.
Additional Resources:
Which Version of the Bible Should I read
Bible Study Basics: 6 steps to studying the bible on your own
16. Engross yourself in Worship music
It doesn’t matter if you like contemporary Christian music, Hymns, or Christian rap, find what pierces your soul and blast it on the rough days.
I can’t tell you how many times I have played my Christian playlist and balled my eyes out in desperation for God to help it. The music re-centers your heart when your struggling to be still and trust in him.
The Bible and Self Care
If you’re wondering if self-care is Christian? Then the answer is it depends (but mostly yes). As a whole, it seems as if the pendulum has swung from “bath bombs and shopping is an absolute must” to “self-care is anti-christian and you should only rely on Jesus.” The actual answer is somewhere in between.
The Bible should always be our guiding principle for how we manage our lives. You can read more about the Theology of Self-care in the following post.
There is no excuse
Here’s some tough love, sister. Stop making excuses for all the reasons you can’t make any of the 16 ideas happen. You have a choice, right now, to take care of yourself.
It might not be the way you wish, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t beneficial. You may want to soak in a bubble bath, but showers are what’s practical in this season. Take the shower and reframe your mentality. Showers are enough.
In the end, remember that Christianity strips us of any entitlements. When the world tells us we deserve weekends away, regular spa days, girl’s nights, etc… we must remember that God has already given us more than we deserve. Take care of yourself, but do so so you can continue to glorify God.
Which of these tips seems easiest to try out today?
