Miscarriage... Infertility... IVF... IUI... the list goes on and on for topics that are taboo to talk about. Women don’t have an actual say in whether their body will choose to get pregnant, miscarry, or carry a baby full term.
Stats vary depending on the sources, but one thing is for certain: miscarriages and infertility are common. (1, 2)
Envision yourself sitting in a waiting room at the OB/GYNs office surrounded by 20 other women. Chances are 5 of those women in the room have experienced a miscarriage, although some may not know it. Of those same 20 women, at least 2 are struggling with infertility, whether explained or unexplained. And yet, even if you knew every single woman in that room, the likelihood of you hearing about this sensitive journey is extremely slim.
In the Christian community, the topic seems to be even more sensitive for a variety of reasons. For some, the primary role of a woman is to be a mother and miscarriage or infertility is seen as a failure. For others, trusting a God that allows miscarriage is extremely difficult, so instead of speaking up about these issues, we push them deep within us rather than using our stories to encourage and equip other women. This is why I am telling you this story today. My hope is that you are encouraged by God’s faithfulness amidst infertility and miscarriage.
A Story of Infertility and Miscarriage
Wendi Iacobello, founder of Strength 4 Spouses and Army wife, lost her baby unexpectedly, during the eighth week of her pregnancy. The unexplained and unexpected loss challenged her faith and propelled her into a deep depression that seemed impossible to get out of.
She wrote, I questioned my faith. I thought God had turned his back on my family. There just wasn't any explanation as to why we had to go through such a devastating loss.
After several months of extreme depression and an avoidance of faith, I began to find my way back to God. I learned that he never left my side during that tragedy and that he would bring something beautiful from our pain. I just didn't know when that would happen.
She went on to say, when you lose a baby – how do you explain the purpose? Why me... why us? God is our heavenly Father, who is just like an earthly father who wants the best for us. He isn’t the cause, but he will bring something good out of the terrible things that happen. Every baby’s life has a purpose.
Journey Towards Healing
Healing for Wendi looked very differently than it did for her Army husband. In the military you’re supposed to get through things quickly, so it was hard for him to watch her in despair. He realized there was nothing he could do to fix her.
Wendi tried a lot of things. She tried counselling (which helped), threw herself into exercising, writing, and even volunteering. Helping others in need played a significant role in her healing journey.
Eventually, she decided to pursue her faith again.
Even when you think that God has forgotten about you, he is always there to embrace you. Faith was the only thing that got us through. We had to let God back into our lives.
Journey Back to Christ
But how did you find your way back to faith, I asked her. Finding your way back to Christ always seemed to be the hardest part of a trial.
Wendi calmly responded, it started with a neighbor who invited me to a woman’s conference. That eventually ignited her journey to healing. During that process, she clung to the Book of Romans because it looked towards the good in life. She was reminded to not let the misfortunes of the world consume her and instead look towards the good in the world, even if it doesn’t come your way.
I learned God never left my side. He is always with us, even when it may seem that he is so far away. God is never to blame for the bad things that happen in our lives, but what he will do is bring something beautiful out of your pain. All it takes is faith, even as small as the size of a mustard seed.
She was finally at peace and let God show them how to grow a family and what that would look like. That’s when they started to ponder becoming foster parents.
When God Answers
So many people had been praying for us and we had decided to forego infertility treatments and allow God time to work out whatever the plan for children might be.
After almost two years of trying for a baby again, nothing short of a miracle occurred. Right before the Christmas of 2018, we learned that we were pregnant. We know this was God and his magical timing for this little miracle referred to as our rainbow baby!
Advice for Others
I have learned that God's timing is always right. If we stay faithful to him and trust him, he will bring us through the dark times and provide a life-changing miracle in the process.
If you are on an infertility journey, cling to your faith. Do not turn your back on God. As hard as it might be, you have to trust his timing. God will open doors in your journey and he will heal your heart. Give it all to him and give him time.
Wendi Iacobello has been a military spouse for three years and part of military life for five years. She has spent the last nine years as an adult educator, has a Master of Arts in Educational Media, and a Bachelor of Science degree in Early Childhood Education. Currently, she is a blogger, freelance writer, aqua cycling Instructor and avid volunteer. In her free time, you can usually find her volunteering at USO’s story time, outdoors in the garden, running, cooking up a new recipe, or playing fetch with her adorable Beagle, Daizi. Wendi is extremely passionate about helping others find their inner strength by sharing her experiences, insight, resources, and inspirational stories on her blog Strength4Spouses.