Today, I told you I was expecting our second baby knowing that it would cause a storm of emotions inside of you. I didn’t know how to tell you, and honestly, I was afraid. I didn’t want to cause you any pain, yet I knew that there was no way around it.
The moment I found out I was expecting, I immediately thought of you.
My heart ached because I remember a similar pain. I remember hurting as friends and family announced their pregnancy after I had lost my first baby. I remember being upset at the unfairness of it all. How could God grant someone a baby they didn’t necessarily ask for, and here I was begging for one? It isn’t the exact pain and for that I will never truly understand, but a similar pain nonetheless.
When friends tell you they are pregnant, it’s a reminder that you still don’t have a baby.
You are filled with a sense of guilt because of unwanted jealousy that creeps its way into your heart. All you want is to be happy for them, yet it feels… fake.
You are engulfed in a mix of emotions of love, envy and pain creating a never healing wound.
Eventually, the wound of celebrating someone else’s pregnancy gets scabbed over, just to be accidentally ripped open from time to time. In this season, it just feels as though this wound will never fully heal.
You feel alone, like you can’t tell anyone how you really feel.
But dearest friend, you don’t have to tell me. I know. I know my news may have caused you some tears. I know that as I progress, your wound will be reopened and emotions triggered. But if you let me, I will be right by your side, to cry alongside you for the unfairness of the situation.
Just remember, you can be happy and sad at the same time. You can have as much or as little space as you need. Please don’t feel guilty for your emotions. Always be honest with me, especially if I am ever insensitive. Continue to fight the enemy as he tries to tempt you—because he will! And as you find the strength, rejoice in your sufferings, because your “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” - Romans 5:3-5
I will fall to my knees and pray that He will open your womb. I believe He will grant you this desire, but even if He doesn’t, that does not change who God truly is. Hold strong to the knowledge that our Father is faithful and kind, and His will is far greater than you or I can ever imagine. I don’t know why you have to struggle with this, but I know your pain will not be in vain.
You are stronger than you may know and for that I am blessed. I appreciate you for being willing to support me and continue to be there for me in this season. I appreciate your vulnerability in admitting the hardness of it all. And I appreciate you for all that you are to me. I hope and pray that I can be even half the friend that you are to me.
Lastly, cling to the hope that is Jesus Christ that one day we will be reunited with our gracious father, and the afflictions of this earth will be no more.
Dear Friend: Today You Took A Big Step was written in response to this letter. Check it out and be encouraged.